How Banks Work, as Told by ABN Amro’s Chairman in Drag

In his former life as the finance minister for the Netherlands, Gerrit Zalm was known for his serious demeanor. But as chairman of ABN Amro, he has taken on a decidedly lighter tone on occasion.

To help explain the state-owned lender’s core values this month, Mr. Zalm dressed up as his “sister,” Priscilla, wearing a bright blue dress and a vivid red wig. Oh, and his fake sibling just happens to be a brothel owner.

You can watch the chairman’s performance, courtesy of a video that ABN Amro posted to its YouTube account on Tuesday. (We’re serious.) But in case your Dutch needs a little refreshing, here are a couple of choice quotes that we’ve translated â€" or at least ones that can run in a family publication:

• “The bank can learn a lot from the best practices of my business.”
• “Clients in my branch have a preference for younger relationship managers.”
• [Referring to Mr. Zalm] “So he comes to me asking, ‘How did you do it?’ I reply: ‘You should start with core values. In my company, we have three: reliability, professionalism and ambition. We try to give the customer a warm welcome. We aim for long-term client relationships and we deliver what we’ve agreed upon. … We are experienced, well trained and can do it! We’re ambitious, and we always try to exceed the expectations of the customer.’ Well, he was very happy with that conversation.”

“Priscilla” described the advantages of her line of work, implying it took little effort to get a high return on equity and that running a brothel is almost like running a bank, but a tad better.

The character also said that like a bank, her business had “a good front office and an excellent back office.”

A spokesman for ABN Amro told Bloomberg News that Mr. Zalm delivered six performances as Priscilla for the bank’s employees, including four in Amsterdam. Referring to the ribald jokes, the spokesman added that the show “fits in with the Dutch sense of humor.”